Hey! So, today is Friday. And let me tell you, it’s been an exhausting week so far.
I started a new role at a well known Pizza restaurant on Tuesday evening.
On the way to work, on the bus, I felt sick. Walking through Meadowhall, my nerves and fear were palpable. I wanted to cry, I wanted to run away and not go in. But I didn’t. I took a deep breath, calmed myself down (sort of) and started my first shift.
During the induction and walk around, I explained my mental health struggles to my manager. I explained my other chronic illnesses. I explained my allergies and intolerances. I explained how I always feel like a burden when I have to tell people about these things. And I do, I really do. I feel like I am unworthy of the extra effort needed to make me comfortable in the workplace. And she smiled at me and told me not to worry. Everyone has issues and I’m another person that needs to have adjustments made. No big deal.
Unless you’ve been the person that needs to have those alterations made, you can’t understand how much it means to me that it was so easy to talk to her, explain what I need, what I can and can’t do and for her to have it be no big deal.
And so I waited tables, cleaned tables, reset them, talked to customers and staff. Took orders and was shown how to make drinks and desserts. Fortunately not a lot has changed since I last worked for this chain. I enjoyed it. So very much. Apart from the blisters on my left heel. Ouch! Ooh and I made £4 in tips.
I went to work on Wednesday, feeling much more comfortable in my own skin and more confident of my abilities. It was crazy busy. I started at 5.30pm and didn’t stop until 9.45. It was so busy! But it is half term and we are a super busy restaurant on normal weeks so apparently this “was nothing”. And then I was driven home by my beautiful and patient girlfriend, Gloria. We went to bed and would say we both fell asleep as soon as our heads hit our pillows.
Which brings me to Thursday, yesterday, my crash day. I have never really experienced a day like this before. I woke up at 8am, couldn’t move myself out of bed and promptly went back to sleep for another couple of hours. When I eventually extricated myself from the duvet, the energy required to then get down the stairs, shower and clothe myself was too much. I managed to dress, wash my face, brush my teeth and then get down the second set of stairs to feed the dogs.
Now, the thing you should know about me is that I love my morning coffee. It’s my ritual, my one constant in the day. But yesterday I couldn’t even lift the kettle to fill it. I couldn’t be bothered to try either. So I took my already full water bottle and a couple of Arbonne fizz sticks and went to the sofa. I stayed on the sofa for 6 hours. I watched some tv, some Netflix, shouted at the dogs to stop their barking – didn’t work btw – played some games and then decided to have a nap.
Why a nap when I’d already had 11 and a half hours? Because. Because, everything, everywhere in my body hurt. Little pieces of me ached and larger parts screamed loudly for relief. So I slept. I slept hard for another 2 hours. On the sofa with my doggy protectors.
When Gloria came home, she went to bed because she was feeling the effects of full time working and her chronic illnesses. And whilst she slept, I ordered takeaway because standing to cook was not an option. Yummy food was eaten and I sat with Gloria on the sofa but eating was too exhausting apparently because I couldn’t keep my eyes open. I had run out of spoons (if you know, you know). So to bed I went.
Today I woke easily, I walked down the two flights of stairs, I made a coffee, I made food and now I am writing this for you to read. And maybe take something from.
All my love, Hellie xx